Most of us who grow up in Western culture are not taught how to do this. Rather, we are conditioned from an early age to distract, avoid or numb ourselves from feeling them through various addictions (food, alcohol, tobacco, drugs, smartphones etc) and coping patterns and distractions, (staying busy, achieving, staying “positive”, perfectionism, pleasing, rescuing, etc.).
Without the capacity to be with our emotions and to tolerate their discomfort, these coping patterns and behaviors hold us hostage and run our lives. We live in the grip of daily anxiety, we constantly react to outside circumstances, avoid certain people and situations that make us feel uncomfortable, behave impulsively in ways we regret and we guard and contort ourselves in our relationships. In short, we limit our potential to connect with others, play small and live narrowed lives.
In this way, we also deprive ourselves of the insight and wisdom that comes from learning how to befriend and transform these emotions with acceptance and compassion. All emotions are natural messengers from our inner world that help to inform and guide our choices in life. However, the dark emotions can be our greatest teachers if we learn the skills to work with them in a curious, kind and compassionate way.